so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
