Duck Duck Cougar?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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