The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
two words...techno handjob
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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