he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize