I'm going to jail i love you
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
