Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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