i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I want is dick and wine.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
