How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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