The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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