We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize