Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
