i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
