We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
