Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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