nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
