note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Less talking, more tequila
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
