we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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