somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
