So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Where is the hickey?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
