uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
