well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
