Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
