Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
