I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
