I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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