fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
