How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh god it's open bar.
I forget how to act sober
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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