I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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