She is in my trunk
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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