Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
