sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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