you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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