Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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