even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
