white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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