I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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