Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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