Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
