Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You took a bar mat shot.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
