I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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