If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
