Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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