i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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