I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
