Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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