yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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