i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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