we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
