don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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