I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
