I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
