I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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