Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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