booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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