meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
