Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
