We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
