this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's shark week go big or go home
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
