She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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