Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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