super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
