you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize