in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
