there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
