As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
