can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Acid is not a monday night drug
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
