how hairy? two words: wookie tits
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
