My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
