I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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