I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
