I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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